So, contemplation and thought have once again taken a hold of me, and the subject of quitting YFC, or "going inactive" has been rolling around thunderously in my head. It's not that I have anything against the people, or any of that, it's just that I think it takes too much of my time, and YFC is not God. I can still worship Him without being apart of a group. And after the whole ordeal with me being unable to bounce back after the last retreat. I just don't want to feel sad anymore, because that's what leaving camp did to me. I felt incomplete, and aimless, and I really can't keep living that way. I can't keep craving for YFC events, and not focusing on my own life. I have to work to better myself, right? That's our whole thing, our belief, right? Well what if YFC is what's stopping me from being better? Doesn't that mean I should leave? Doesn't that mean I should stop whatever is stopping me?
And yet, I've grown so much through this youth group. I was lifted up from dark depths that I thought were inescapable. YFC made me happy. Now, however, though it does still make me happy in certain ways, it also makes me sad, and I've become so absorbed in it, that I've hindered myself. I do admit, YFC has taught me so much, and showed me the way to God, and forced me to accept His love with all my heart, and for that I am so, so thankful. Sometimes, though, there comes a time when one must move on. I'm torn between my decision. I don't know what to do. All I know is that I should turn to God, and let Him show me the way. I'm confused... I really need some help.
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Someone once told me that CFCY is just a stepping stone in our journey with christ with the purpose being to help us to grow in that love and in that relationship with him so that when we DO go off on our own.. whenever that may be.. we can maintain that relationship with God.
For me, im already at that stage where im trying to go off on my own since im leaving for the navy and all. thats why you dont see me at the meetings as much. for me now, the meetings are a form or service.. a way that i can give back to god for what he has given to me. if i cant make it.. then i cant make it.. but if i can.. then i'll be there to serve ya know? It is also where I get spiritual nourishment.. although I find myself wanting more than what cfcy can offer.. I was thinking about going to singles for christ.. but all in gods time.. maybe when i get back from the military.. but your old enough to join them if you feel like they will give you that spiritual nourishment. I went through my place in time where CFCY is all that i did ya know? But then in time... if YOU feel like you need some other kind nourishment.. or if you feel like its taking up your time.. you can always take a break. Im sure everyone will understand. people need breaks sometimes. and i think that youve already realized.. that you dont need the ministry in order to worship god. but remember that you can do it without the ministry.. especially if you feel like God is calling you to serve him in other aspects of your life.. like school and family.. because those are equally.. if not.. more important.
I hope that this helped! Im proud of you and i like your blogs!
<33 Sarah
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