There's a purpose to this, and we can figure it out together.

So much vivid imagery of unreality floating in multitudes about my brain like thousands of sail-boats, meandering carelessly through the confines of my skull. I talk a lot about what goes on in my brain, but it's always vague and abstract, isn't it? I can't really describe it better than what I do now, because to me, that's really what it's like. Vague and abstract.

I've laid for hours by myself simply contemplating, never lingering on one coherent thought for too long before my mind transfers its attention to something else. I could have a whole conversation with myself. Maybe I'm going insane, eh? I feel like I should be doing something with myself. That's probably why I'm going crazy. Lack of activity, lack of daily purpose. The most obvious solution is a job, though I'm pretty sure getting hired isn't as easy as it seems. I just have to try harder. Even as I write this though, I know I'm not gonna try harder. I'm gonna forget about it, and continue having a meaningless existence, and even with encouragement, nothing's going to happen, for that's the solid truth of my life. I will not progress, ever, until I'm 30 years old, and still haven't got a job, in which case, I will gladly take my own life and suffer damnation in hell, because I will have become someone who I would greatly dislike today. Yeah, hell sounds like a good prospect for me if my situation ever comes to that.

And I know, I should probably do something about it, but I know I won't. That's just what happens, every single time. Whenever I WANT something to happen, I never try to make it happen. It's just how I am, and what I do. I don't know why, and I don't see any way to change it. No amount of encouragement or insults from anyone else can change the outcome of what always happens. I know, I have the physical and mental abilities to change what I want to be changed, but I just... Don't. I can't tell you why that is, or what the hell is wrong with me, but that's just what always happens, and it's never gonna change, ever, because I'm without hope. I know, it's unreasonable, but it is what it is. I can't do anything to stop it.

I guess I'm hopeless. That's the purpose of this post. To come to the conclusion that I am hopeless. Yeah, that's what it is. Oh well, I guess in 12 years, I'll be another 30 year old random guy on the news that blew his own brains out for no reason. Yeah.