There's a purpose to this, and we can figure it out together.

So much vivid imagery of unreality floating in multitudes about my brain like thousands of sail-boats, meandering carelessly through the confines of my skull. I talk a lot about what goes on in my brain, but it's always vague and abstract, isn't it? I can't really describe it better than what I do now, because to me, that's really what it's like. Vague and abstract.

I've laid for hours by myself simply contemplating, never lingering on one coherent thought for too long before my mind transfers its attention to something else. I could have a whole conversation with myself. Maybe I'm going insane, eh? I feel like I should be doing something with myself. That's probably why I'm going crazy. Lack of activity, lack of daily purpose. The most obvious solution is a job, though I'm pretty sure getting hired isn't as easy as it seems. I just have to try harder. Even as I write this though, I know I'm not gonna try harder. I'm gonna forget about it, and continue having a meaningless existence, and even with encouragement, nothing's going to happen, for that's the solid truth of my life. I will not progress, ever, until I'm 30 years old, and still haven't got a job, in which case, I will gladly take my own life and suffer damnation in hell, because I will have become someone who I would greatly dislike today. Yeah, hell sounds like a good prospect for me if my situation ever comes to that.

And I know, I should probably do something about it, but I know I won't. That's just what happens, every single time. Whenever I WANT something to happen, I never try to make it happen. It's just how I am, and what I do. I don't know why, and I don't see any way to change it. No amount of encouragement or insults from anyone else can change the outcome of what always happens. I know, I have the physical and mental abilities to change what I want to be changed, but I just... Don't. I can't tell you why that is, or what the hell is wrong with me, but that's just what always happens, and it's never gonna change, ever, because I'm without hope. I know, it's unreasonable, but it is what it is. I can't do anything to stop it.

I guess I'm hopeless. That's the purpose of this post. To come to the conclusion that I am hopeless. Yeah, that's what it is. Oh well, I guess in 12 years, I'll be another 30 year old random guy on the news that blew his own brains out for no reason. Yeah.

"Relegation"

To be relegated is to be demoted into a less-influential social ranking, or in other words, to be "owned" or, in the words of the fabled homosexual (aka, Jay) to be "purchased".

The term was brought to my attention by the one and only Robot.M one day when he, Jay, and I were at McDonald's. I had attempted to make myself sneeze by sticking a rolled up napkin in one of my nostrils, but I only succeeded in tearing up. Nevertheless, it was hilarious.

The term's influence was furthered when I used it a few times, being that it was, indeed, clever, and the time in which I made use of it was fitting, but shortly after, Robot.M taught the word to my niece and nephew, and though they do sometimes get the term confused with "regulated", they still use it frequently enough for me to have heard it at least once a day.

I suppose that means that the relegation has spread throughout the fabric of my life, and has integrated itself within my daily routine. The remedy for which would be to recite a different word, or completely block it whenever I foresee its emerging from the mouths of the children, or from Robot.M.

In actuality, I don't believe the word will stick for that long. The hype surrounding it is confined only to me, my family, Jay, and Robot.M himself. Unless, of course, one of us were to advertise the term more widely than we are at current, it shouldn't become a mainstream term as many of Robot.M's other clever mannerisms have among the younger members of YFC.

Anyways, that's my post. I'm out.

- Bam.

Another day passes, more thoughts caress the insides of my brain.

Now, I don't usually dwell on past matters for longer than a month or two. Once it's over, I go on my way. I don't hold grudges, or keep lingering over it, I just... Go. However, there's this THING that's been eating me up for like six months now. That's half a year of my LIFE. And I don't think I'm gonna forget about it anytime soon. Like, this thing is here to stay, for a solid few years, and the only way I can escape it is by moving away, and I damn sure am not moving another time. I want to finally be freakin' SETTLED, man. Since I was 11, I haven't lived in one place for more than two years, and now that I'm approaching my 18th birthday in about two months, I would really, REALLY like to spend my 19th and 20th and 21st birthdays where I am right now. Here, I've found genuine friends. Everywhere else was like... Just a pit stop on the way to my current place, and I truly feel at home. I don't wanna go to a far away college, or get some job in another city... No, I want my future to be HERE, in this town, because all the years leading up to my 11th birthday, this is where I lived.

Maybe someday, I'll want to go check out the world. Take a year off and travel, explore, experience the world God has created for us. For now, though, I've done enough of that. I've been overseas, I've been all over the United States, from California to Washington D.C. I've been all over the Philippines from Manila to Boracay, and I've been to freakin' Tokyo, Japan. And none of the traveling beats settlement, here in my town. In Elk Grove. I dunno, I might move to Sac if I get my own place in a few years, but for now, Elk Grove, CA is my home.

Anyways... I went off on a tangent on that one. The whole traveling thing wasn't my concern. It's not what I've been thinking of. Haha, did I fool you? Sorry, my fault, I just had to get that outta my system... Anyways, what I've been thinking about is a secret. I don't wanna give myself away in here, though I've conveyed my thoughts upon some of my most trusted brothers. I've been thinking about it for awhile. I feel like the main character in the book that I'm currently reading (Brisingr by Christopher Paolini, Eragon series = win) in that his cause is hopeless. So basically, Eragon, from the very first book, was the biggest noob in the world. He kept getting owned left and right, so of course, that gave him a sort of inferiority complex. Wasn't until late in the 2nd book that Eragon gained supah powers, and even then he got owned by the one person he needed to beat. What a loser, right? Right. Well.....

Hm..

If I describe his other dilemma, people will know automatically what I'm talking about, and that's not the point of a secret, yeah? I dunno, I guess I'm embarrassed about it. Dunno if I should be blogging about this anymore, haha. Well, read Eragon, and you'll see what I'm talking about. He has this thing with Arya. Oh man, Eragon gets owned. FIRST she scrapes him in battle, because y'know, elves are far more superior to humans. But even AFTER he gets his super powers, he gets owned. Not in battle, but in a different way. Oh man, I just noticed how many times Eragon gets put in his place in this series, it's like... The whole world is depending on him, but he's the weakest guy ever, hahahaha. Well, yeah, you'll get it if you read the book. You might even call me a fool and slap me. Haha. Yeah.

Refrain from yelling, please.

An invisible sign hung up on the front door, an assumed rule, a figurative knowledge, a silent agreement, a non-existent yet implied law.

"Don't yell."

But I can't contain myself! The emotions within me are pounding in my throat to be released, and I have to scream them at the top of my lungs, lest I EXPLODE in a catastrophic inferno of both anguish and joy, all mixed into one jumble of a fireworks display. Or break down into a puddle of lost dreams, be reduced to ash, become a shell of my former self.

Patience, Bam, your time will come. For I am still unable to form words from what I feel, because I fear that the extent of my vocabulary is unable to comprehend everything that passes through my mind and heart. It's like trying to describe how much I love God in all His splendor. Impossible. Because the emotions are limitless. LIMITLESS. As are the ideas. Overwhelming idealistic knowledge flowing through my mind like a sea of thought and conclusions.

And it's not just ME with these capabilities, no! It's everyone! Everyone has the ability to generate artistry and inspiration as easily as me, it's just that they don't focus on it, or they doubt the existence of this capability. Your minds are limitless, unchecked, and FREE. Use them!

As I will use mine. Take down the invisible sign, because the world MUST KNOW what I'm thinking. And I MUST KNOW what you're thinking too! Let's hear it! SCREAM YOUR EMOTIONS! Whether they be pained or happy, inspiration can be derived from both, and I want to be INSPIRED.

Wishin' to be the friction in yer jeeeaaans.

Man, a line like that makes so much sense, but when I thought about it, Fall Out Boy's target audience was teenagers. If I told a thirty year old that line, from that song, they wouldn't appreciate it like I do. You know, because I care about stupid puppy-love relationships like that. I dunno, for the longest time, I've been unsure as to whether I care that I'm a fat single guy or not, and I've so far come to a point where I wanna shoot myself.

Damn you, fat. Damn you. If only it was gone. If only. And y'know, I don't understand it, even Robot.M said just today, "Man, you're freakin active, how come you're still fat?" And I really don't know. I don't sit on my ass all day, and I don't even eat super insanely. So why does my weight stay the same every week? I think I have to work harder, or something. So, here's my promise to myself, and to everyone I know and love... I wanna lose weight to the point of it being physically noticeable, by the end of Spring semester. I'm taking weight training this semester, so that should help out. I'll take it again next semester too.

Ahh, I seriously think that's all that's hindering me from a girlfriend. And don't tell me I have low self-esteem, you know it's true, because it's damn straight not my personality... Or it could be that too, but then that makes it two things that are undesirable about me. Agh, alright, I'll pray about it too, this is how serious I am. I'm freakin willing to call on GOD to empower me. I just want to at least be NOT over 200 pounds anymore. Jeeze. Ok, that's my goal. And whoever I know that reads this, please please please encourage me. If you see me eating bad, tell me not to. Aaaaand... This is gonna be hard, but I am going to give up fast food until I am less than 200 pounds. And I ask all of my friends/brothers and sisters in Christ... REGULATE ME. Do it. I give permission.

Inspiration from confrontation. (Part 2)

So the earlier post was just the story... None of how I feel, which is my usual game, so this part is what that's gonna be. I'm gonna say a few things beforehand, though. I've held off from cursing alot lately, and it's built up to the point of leaking above the threshold. So, sorry if I do it a little bit right now. Truly sorry.

Anyways... So, my thoughts right now are jumbled. I'm angry in general, it's like my old self has returned for a few hours. I feel like flipping off somebody who can cause me physical harm because I don't care what happens to me as long as I'm able to piss somebody off as much as I'm pissed off right now. I know, it contradicts my whole usual pious nature, but there's always that line that can be crossed, and tonight, the line has been run over. I really think I suffer from implosive anger, because it only comes out in bursts built up over months and months of charging. It's like I want to punch a random person in the face, but then right after I'll be sorry and help the dude back up. I think I should just go to sleep. Yeah. But I have to do the dishes first. Fuck me sideways.

Inspiration from confrontation.

So, two minutes ago, I was looking through my house phone's recent calls, wondering who I wanted to talk to, and it dawned on me that I didn't want to talk to anyone. I wanted to talk to myself, and the best way to do that is, tadaa, blog about it. So now I've come to this, my computer screen. Lemme tell you about my day today, yeah?

It started out with me waking up at 8 o' clock in the morning. Everyone had left, and it was just me, chilling at home by myself. I was playing an online game called DoMo. Anyways, around 11-12, my doorbell rang, and I went out to see who it was. This white guy, wearing a white tall tee and jeans told me a bit about himself, according to his story, he had just moved in to the neighborhood, and he was with a landscaping company. Probably a family thing I thought to myself, he's just trying to make some honest money. I told him that I was sorry, but the Mexicans had already claimed our lawn (I didn't really say that, but it's the truth), and he politely apologized for wasting my time, and left. Back inside my house, I went, to play more DoMo.

About thirty minutes after my ordeal with the landscaping guy, I hear a loud crash, as if a window had been broken. Now, I was sitting in my living room, and the crash came from my neighbor's house, which was but a few feet away from where I was sitting. I could have easily gotten up off the sofa, went into my backyard and checked it out. But I didn't. I ignored it as an accident, the people were probably home, and they were doing some crazy stuff and broke the window themselves. You see the foreshadowing, right?

So Robot.M comes over, he starts breaking in my kitchen, we hang out for awhile, and then we go out with Blackman, Sidekick, and The Child to Peony Palace for some Chinese food/Mongolian barbecue. It's good, we have a good time, and then we head over to Blackman and Sidekick's house where I did a fourth of my essay on Wal-Mart, and The Child and I had a debate on the validity of my last blog entry (we'll get into that another time). So pretty much, we hang out until night time, and it's dark outside, and Robot.M breaks up the argument between me and The Child by feigning his intent on leaving. Eventually we actually DO leave, however, and we make it to my house. We're talking for a little bit in the car outside of my house, and some random guy informs me that my neighbors have been robbed. I go outside and tell the guy what I saw and heard, and Robot.M and The Child begin ridiculing me for not preventing it.

Ridiculing me to the point of frustration, enough that I would raise a middle finger at both of them while they sat in the car. I entered my house despite their apologies, and closed the door behind me, intent on being angry the rest of the night, and most of the next morning. Robot.M promptly called me on my house phone to apologize again, and I was calm by then, though I really didn't want to accept. It wasn't even my fault, I'm just not a hero. Sorry.

And this isn't the first time those two have teamed up to make me feel bad about myself. The last time was a more serious subject, though, and that night I couldn't help but let the tears fall. I even called my best homie, and she talked to me about it. I wasn't mad at them, though. I was more mad at myself. Like now. I could have done something. I could have dialed 911, called the cops, went out to investigate the house myself, and I probably wouldn't have even had to fight anybody, the guy probably would have just ran away if I saw him. Yeah, my fault. Sorry neighbors, I'm horrible. And they got their shit jacked. Hella stuff. I could have prevented that. But I didn't.

Man, the bible is funny.

Hey, don't shave your facial hair or cut your sideburns. It's against the bible, AHAHA.

Don't believe me? Freakin read it, Leviticus 19:27.

Yeah, that's right, that's REALLY what it says in the BIBLE.

Obviously, I do not follow what the bible says. My reasoning as to why? The bible is imperfect. And before you go all, "but how can you say that, Bam!? You quote the bible all the time!" I'll say this: The bible is imperfect because human beings wrote it, and not God Himself, and being as humans are imperfect, anything they create is imperfect, including that book that we base our whole religion upon, our whole belief system. Which means, we CAN pick and choose what we want to see from the bible, because like anything that's imperfect, it has good and bad points. So yes, to a certain degree, I follow the bible and its teachings, but I also remember to take everything in it with a grain of salt.

To make things more simple, I believe in GOD, not in BIBLE. The two things are not synonymous, and one of them is Earth-made, not divine in nature, and has not touched my heart and soul and caused me to cry out in joy of the glory of His name. Sure the bible does teach some morals, and it says some amazing things about our Lord, and it has so much inspiration written into its pages, but that doesn't mean it is always right. It's still imperfect, it's still created by humans. Yes, it is inspired by God, it is brought on by His light, but through humans. Through imperfections. And that makes it imperfect.

You can argue that my reasoning is too "logical" because the dealings of God aren't supposed to be logical, they're supposed to be spiritual, but I don't believe God wants my eyes to be closed. I don't believe God wants me to be so narrow-minded that I am damn near blinded. Yes, I do serve God with single-mindedness, but I serve him by making myself better, and expanding my knowledge and that includes not being near sighted. Not being selective in what I learn, and not only listening to one thing, unless that thing be God Himself.

So I'll end this thing with a different bible verse, one that holds actual meaning.

"When wisdom enters into your heart and knowledge itself becomes pleasant to your very soul, thinking ability itself will keep guard over you, discernment itself will safeguard you."
Proverbs 2:10-11

And in this case, I have been safeguarded from bad hygiene. I think it's time for a shave.

- Bam.

Oh, it is love.

Though he knew exactly, the chain of events that had lead to this moment, recorded by date and time in his brain, in that very situation, at the very second, he couldn't remember, for the life of him, why he was about to do what he was going to do. His brain could not formulate actual thoughts, but instead was a jumble of emotions. He felt passionate, true, legitimate, and sincere love for the woman that was sitting across from him. He stared into her eyes, pools of wondrous joy that radiated so brightly whenever he was with her, because whenever he was with her, he was truly happy. And he knew, that his decision on that night was the right one, the ONLY one that made any sense.

He felt anxious... Nervous. The tingles that moved down his spine and throughout his body made him feel like he was freezing from the inside out. His mouth was dry, and he almost forgot what he was doing, but he had come into the moment prepared. He knew the general outline of what to say, but proceeding in theory was much different than proceeding in actuality.

The atmosphere was perfect. Smooth jazzy romantic music was playing in the background, and they were sitting in a five star restaurant, full from steak and salmon. The opportune moment seemed to be right then. He took a deep breath in to calm his nerves, but even as he exhaled, he knew he would still end up stuttering, and fumbling in his speech.

Silently, he stood up from his seat, and his soulmate, his other half, his LIFE stared at him with a strange look, though in the back of her head, she knew what was coming. Solemnly, he walked around the table to her, and took her hand in his, bending down onto one knee and placing his lips gently on he knuckles. Tears welled up in her eyes as she looked in bewilderment, amazement, and unlimited happiness.

He reached slowly into his pocket and withdrew a tiny box, and to confirm her fears and her anxiety, a diamond ring sat inside of the box as it was opened. His mouth was moving, but neither of them knew exactly what he was saying, so they both went off of the general assumption of the moment. All she could reply with was a slight nod, and both of their dreams came true on that night.

They couldn't stop smiling at each other, and they couldn't stop the joyful tears from flowing down their faces. Love was definitely in the air on that night, and both of them savored the feeling as if they had been starving for it for months and months. They could barely hear the applause rising up from the tables surrounding them, as they embraced each other, arms wrapped around the other as if they were permanently intertwined, and forever from that moment, their souls would remain in that loving embrace.

Bah.... Ram, Ewe.

I honestly think something is missing in my life right now. I have no idea what it is, though. I mean, I'm not sad or anything, it's just that there's something that's not there. YFC is all good, life in general is all good, but I can't help but wonder what the heck that biting, itching, annoying little missing piece is.

I really can't put my finger on it. I mean, it's not that big of a deal, it's just that every night when I get home from being happy with all the people that I love, and am the most comfortable with, I feel like I should be doing something. I think this blog is totally supplementing for that feeling, but it's still not enough to fill in the gap.

It might just be me, though, maybe I have too much fun when I'm out, and I wanna do it some more.

Also, I've been really craving romantic animes lately. I don't know why, I think it has something to do with the whole "incomplete" feeling. I think it's because at one point, I watched dramatic romance animes all the freakin time, and I got this fuzzy feeling in my gut. I mean, I don't wanna sound gay, but man, romance is perhaps the most beautiful genre that was ever created in like... Life.

I don't mean like stupid, predictable, cliche romance (e.g. Twilight), but like... Ah! My Goddess, or Love Hina. Y'know, romance that makes you want to squeal with glee like an eleven year old school girl talking about Orlando Bloom, or whoever the eleven year old school girls are squealing about these days. Is it Zac Efron? I dunno, but whatever. Point is, I gather SO MUCH inspiration from stories like that.

Those kinds of stories make me want to know more about each and every character. I wanna know the backstory, what happens after the series is over, etc... And they give me this feeling where I'm like, "Wow, is that even possible?" Until it eventually gets to the point where I'm like, "I want that to be reality." And it wouldn't even matter if it happened to me, personally, as long as I was able to witness something so amazing.

Usually in these animes, the person finds their soul mate, and it happens so coincidentally, and most of the time, accidentally. And it's crazy because the chances are so slim, but by some divine magnetic force, they are able to find one another, and if occurrences like that actually happened in reality, it would be so amazingly beautiful. It would epitomize the definition of beauty. As if God lead them to each other.

I think I found what's missing after all.

Random bible verse + explanation/theory.

"Better is the end of a thing than its beginning.
and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit."
Ecclesiastes 7:8

I suppose the meaning of this verse is "good things come to those who wait." Or in other words, you will hail more fortune if you are patient.

In the rest of Ecclesiastes, chapter 7, the writings talk about how you need to witness or go through trials in order to become better. To quote more of it, the bible reads:
-"Sorrow is better than laughter, for by sadness of face, the heart is made glad" (verse 3)

-"The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth." (verse 4)

So basically, what this chapter is trying to say is that, by undergoing sadness and trials, we become wiser, better, stronger people than before, and that is apart of God's love. In a more adolescent defiant way to put it, all of our major trials in life, everything that we go through, it is all the work of God. He is picking on us. Not to derive pleasure from our anguish, but rather, to level us up. To make us more worthy to receive Him, and that's our goal. It is to better ourselves that we serve God, correct? It is why we are in YFC, right? Then, take heed God's love, for sometimes, God's love can come in the "tough" variety. And for those who think that what you're going through is too much, know that it will never be too much, because God will not give you a trial that is more than human to accomplish, He will only give you what you can handle, so remember that no matter what, no matter how down you're feeling, or how close you are to giving up: Whatever you are going through, no matter what it may be, you have the capability to get through it, whether by yourself or with the help of others, you CAN make it through.

I am... Torn.

So, contemplation and thought have once again taken a hold of me, and the subject of quitting YFC, or "going inactive" has been rolling around thunderously in my head. It's not that I have anything against the people, or any of that, it's just that I think it takes too much of my time, and YFC is not God. I can still worship Him without being apart of a group. And after the whole ordeal with me being unable to bounce back after the last retreat. I just don't want to feel sad anymore, because that's what leaving camp did to me. I felt incomplete, and aimless, and I really can't keep living that way. I can't keep craving for YFC events, and not focusing on my own life. I have to work to better myself, right? That's our whole thing, our belief, right? Well what if YFC is what's stopping me from being better? Doesn't that mean I should leave? Doesn't that mean I should stop whatever is stopping me?

And yet, I've grown so much through this youth group. I was lifted up from dark depths that I thought were inescapable. YFC made me happy. Now, however, though it does still make me happy in certain ways, it also makes me sad, and I've become so absorbed in it, that I've hindered myself. I do admit, YFC has taught me so much, and showed me the way to God, and forced me to accept His love with all my heart, and for that I am so, so thankful. Sometimes, though, there comes a time when one must move on. I'm torn between my decision. I don't know what to do. All I know is that I should turn to God, and let Him show me the way. I'm confused... I really need some help.

Yawn.

It is with a sense of disappointment that I post this addition to my blog today. Multiple reasons why, but the most prominent one is that, I have no contact methods to reach this girl who I wanna talk to, which makes me sad. Also, I am somewhat tired, having been at school since 9am today, and the time is coming upon 6:30pm. And I didn't even have class today, how wack is that? Pretty wack. I'm just waiting for Mr. Abero to finish up his English class, and we'll see where the road takes us. I'm gonna look for the girl's number as soon as I get home, or maybe call somebody different. I'll leave it up to God what happens.

In other news, the retreat withdrawal has begun for me. I want it to happen again, REALLY soon, leastwise, I be rendered schizophrenic due to lack of spiritual high. Man, YFC really is like crack, and I'm freakin addicted. My highlight of the week will be the next meeting, and after that, I'll cease to exist mentally until the next meeting comes. I guess I'll just pray... Hard. And maybe that'll satiate my hunger for God's love, even though that defeats the whole purpose of God's love because it's supposed to be constant. Bah, whatever. I'm out, peace.

One weekend, over fourty changed lives.

There are no words I can use to describe the feeling I achieved when I saw the change... The metamorphosis of the new candidates at this past weekend's retreat. God, with all his love, and all his grace, came down into that building in Marysville, right in the middle of the boondocks, and reached into the hearts and souls of each and every candidate, for the first time. I saw their tears, and I saw their sincerity, and their joy, and I suddenly realized the unrelenting might and influence of God. And from that realization, from that epiphany, from that enlightenment, I was shocked into a state of awe at Him, and by Sunday's worship, the same tears of joy were rolling down my own face, even though I had already experienced a retreat, even though I already knew God's love, I felt it there, more than ever, except this time, instead of that fleeting excitement that I felt for God, instead of the need to exclaim my experience to the world like before, I feel calm. A sense of blissful peace. I know now what worship is.

Before, I would scream my lungs out to God with every song, and let my physical body go wild in order to achieve the sense of passion that I'm supposed to have, but now, all I have to do is raise my hands and say a few words of prayer, and I feel God touching my soul, I feel Him consuming me, and it is such an amazing experience. It's like nothing else.

I do admit, I felt doubt for myself, and I questioned my own ability to provide service for God, but that was before I realized that it wasn't about ME, it wasn't MY ability, it was God, it was Jesus Christ doing everything there in that camp, doing all those things and showing the candidates His light. Not us, not the service team. We were USED as catalysts to ignite the flame in the candidates' hearts, but we were not igniting it ourselves, that was the work of God, and I saw Him in each and every single one of those candidates, I felt their joy, I felt God's love radiating through them, and it was at that moment that I realized: my service, my purpose, my life... was complete.

This is why God lead me to this youth group, why He lead me to CFC-Youth. It's why He lead me to this girl who would later on become my sister, who introduced me to the cluster head, who invited me to the retreat, and God also stuck in a certain girl who I'd have a crush on, and though it's not my reason for serving through YFC anymore, I'll admit that for that very first camp, it was my motivation for going, and maybe a stupid crush was what it took to get me hooked onto God's love. And He was so subtle, I didn't notice until now. I didn't realize the whole series of events that occurred, the line of catalysts that would eventually lead me to camp, and it felt so natural. I had only known these people, these veteran YFC members, for TWO MONTHS, and they were already my brothers and sisters, I already loved them. It only took TWO MONTHS to get that, to incorporate myself into their ranks. And now I realize, it was God. It was God who told me to be comfortable around them, it was God, who made them accept me. It was all apart of His plan. And now, I'm here, in my new life, helping God show the people what He showed me.

All the candidates who attended this past CFC-Youth retreat are now my brothers and sisters in Christ. I just pray, with all my heart and soul, that they find their inner peace as I have. That they find God's plan for them, and that they follow it as He wills it to be. And I pray that the next camp will be as successful, if not more successful than this one. And with that, I'll end this post.

Just remember this:
We don't need to be at a retreat to go full potential, so give praise and worship without any restraint.

- Bam.

mmm watercream.

So, when I'm at home at night, and I'm bored with nothing to do, I like to create random deserts. Some nights, I make s'mores, other nights, I make milk shakes, other nights, my niece bakes cakes and brownies and cookies and such. Tonight, however, I noticed that we had ice cream, but no milk, and the first thing I thought was: water.

So, I stick ice cubes, ice cream, sugar, and water into a blender and create a strange liquid that I have dubbed "watercream", because it tastes like water that has been sweetened with ice cream. And technically, that's exactly what it is. It's somewhat ok tasting. Not better than milkshake by far, but it's acceptable. I won't make it ever again, though, too much of a hassle churning the freakin blender because the stuff just won't blend. Whatevs.

I need to find better ways to entertain myself. Hah.

Ahhh, epiphanies are awesome.

So, I am pretty happy, as of last night. Actually very happy. I've achieved an acceptable situation with somebody, and I have realized that I am content enough now, because we're genuine friends.

Yeeeaaap. Also, camp is coming... It's RIGHT THERE. I can TASTE IT. Aaaaahhhh, man, plus my happiness from life in general is like the icing on top of the YFC cake, yo. Whew, life is pretty freakin' dope right now.

It's like chili pie with sour cream, and grape drink. HAHA, JAMES TEJADA IS AMAZING... Because of chili pie. And because he's leet. Yeap.

Alright, I'm out. Peace.

- Bam Bam