Aw man.

Seriously, there is SOMETHING MISSING. GODDAMNET. I ALWAYS feel empty or hollow or something. Like there's a big ass hole in my gut, and everytime I try to fit something in there, the hole just vaporizes it. I mean, sometimes, there are things that can fill it temporarily, and I am content for awhile. Among those things are certain people, YFC events, and those times of spiritual high. The only flaw with that is, those certain people never stick around very long, YFC events are few and far apart, and I am not strong enough to maintain a constant spiritual high.

Well, there's one new thing that's been filling the gap, and that's longboarding. I find myself forgetting about my life for those fleeting few moments while I'm carving down the pavement. It's like nothing matters but that crack I'm about to roll over next, or that hill I'm about to coast down. I find myself always breaking a sweat when I go on an excursion with Jay's longboard. Only thing is, I don't actually own a longboard. And I don't see myself getting one any time soon. And anyways, if I kept skating, over and over, it'd probably become old to me.

Everything always gets old.

There's only one thing that'll never get old. Never. I know this because I've been chasing after it for almost a year now. Jeeze, am I a pathetic loser. Hanging on for so long. Usually stuff gets boring after a few weeks. Not this. This thing makes everything new and exciting. If it wasn't for this, I would have given up guitar a long time ago. I would have quit singing. I would have quit dancing. I would have quit writing. I wouldn't be advancing in life. I wouldn't be working out and losing 6 lbs a week in preparation for the Air Force. I wouldn't be driving.

This thing makes me want to better myself so much. It makes me want to be in my prime, physically, mentally, and spiritually. The only problem is, this thing is what's missing, and that hole in my gut will only keep throbbing until it's filled. And I keep getting the feeling that acquiring this thing is possible, and maybe that's why I haven't given up yet. I guess the hole won't be satiated until I either get it, or it finally becomes impossible to me.