Endless plight.

Hopeless. Utterly hopeless. One goal to strive for, and it is beyond my reach and will remain so until the end of time. Perhaps I am simply taking the wrong measures, or searching for my goal within the wrong vessel. I have to get out. I gotta leave this place. It all just seems so dull and gray to me now, where before, it was blindingly colored. Where before, I was happy. Soon, I'll be able to get out. And then my plight will be over.

This is my problem, I have to advance in the world. What am I doing, other than sitting around? I can go. I can get out, I have the ability. So that's my decision. I'm gonna leave, because I am ready to grow up. Finally. I can't believe it took me this long to prepare myself. Maybe I'm just afraid of breaking my usual routine. Maybe I'm afraid of doing things on my own. So... I guess that's it. Break the fear, and get out.

Right, so none of what I wrote makes any sense to anybody but me. Haha, I'll translate.

For some reason, these past few days, I've been super down. I'm not gonna lie, this is my blog anyways, it's because of somebody. A person. Same person as always. And I think I'm probably in over my head, because I'm never gonna do anything with them. Ever. And I know that, and the thing is, I don't care that much that I'll never be in a different situation with them, it's more like an everyday annoyance that I can't stop thinking of. So, my solution is to leave this town. To leave Elk Grove. My hometown.

Honestly, when I first got back I felt at home like I never have in any other place. After awhile, though, it started getting depressing. I mean, this IS and forever will be my hometown, no matter what, and I'll never leave it permanently, but I feel like I'm held back here. Waiting for something to happen. Waiting for someone to happen. And I don't think that I should be waiting anymore. And now that I'm an adult, and will be receiving my license within the next month, I'll have the means to leave.

And it all fits with my aspirations, too. I wanna go to The City. Frisco, man. I can continue journalism over there, and probably find somebody to room with. And I won't even be leaving YFC. The thing is, I've never really been on my own. I've always had somebody there to help me out. And I guess, even if I do leave, I still won't REALLY be on my own, but it's scary, y'know? Then again, it's a step I have to take eventually. So, this is my goal. This is what I want to achieve. I want to leave. Once my GE credits are done, I'm gonna go. Unless, of course, the stuff that I was waiting for finally comes through. I doubt that'll happen, though.

I guess that's it, then. I feel better now.

Peace and love,
- Bam.