Thursday, December 18, 2008

Fuck you.

Those words came so close to rolling off of my tongue yesterday. Honestly, I don't even know why they didn't. They should have. I should have just let myself say what needed to be said, but no. I couldn't, because I looked at her. I saw her face, and I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Maybe I'm weak, but it doesn't matter anymore. I had to get out, and I did. It didn't matter how cold it was. I couldn't feel it. I was numb, physically and mentally. All I could think about was what I would have said to her, had I not been weak. And those two words rang so vividly in my mind.

I don't know anymore. Whether I overreacted or not. I'm not taking it back. I'm not breaking, I'm not caving like everyone else does for her. I always said, no one gets sympathy from me, and I was a rock enough to uphold what I said. So, I'll remain that rock. I just need to keep to myself for now. There's too many things that I have to forget about, and too many habits that I have to break before I start showing myself again. I guess I'll just shut down for awhile. I mean, I have all of winter break to be by myself.

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