I have a be(A)st friend.

I am so stricken, I have no idea how to start this, but let's just say, writer's block associated with THIS girl is not uncommon. In fact, she is so great that not enough words can describe her greatness. To say that I love her more than life would be an understatement. Let's just say I love her infinitely. She's there to help me overcome the pain and strife of daily life. And she doesn't even have to try. Her wonder comes effortlessly. Because she got a different kind of swag. The better kind. And I owe everything that I am to her. I couldn't give her enough to reach the quota of what she deserves, because she deserves it all. Not only is she worth it, but she's too damn expensive. Not in a monetary sense, but in the sense of respect, and love. All because of who she is, which is, in this case, impossible to describe verbally, no matter how hard I try, I can't come up with words strong enough to describe the everlasting love that I will hold for her until the day that I die, because she means so much to me.

She makes me happy beyond anything that I have ever experienced. Besides Jesus. She is my all, my everything. Even if other friends come and go, I know for certain that she'll be there until I die, and that's what makes her my best forever. She is perfect in every way. Even in her imperfections, she is perfect. Without her, I would be lost, sad, and alone, and I would be a much lesser man than I am now. I know that if she had never become my friend, I would not be happy in the least bit. She is the rock on which I situate myself, and everything that I do in this life, I do with two people in mind: Jesus, and my best. If my God is all that I need, then she is all that I want. She makes me content. I am at a loss for words, trying to describe how amazing she really is. But just understand, she is the most profoundly inspiring, wonderful, and ceaselessly astounding person on this planet. No other human can compare to her, be they famous or no. No one is better than my Muhdoo, and I wouldn't trade her, or change her for anyone or anything.

I have a be(A)st friend. Her name is Aliza Jean Mallare.

Decembeard. HAHAHA.

This is log 26... And the days are blurring together.

LMAO oh my goodness Avatar has got me hooked on some other kind of stuff. Those damn Na'vi. Anyways, foreal, I want to see it again. With you. Actually, I want to see it multiple times with you. 100 times. Haha. Well, I'd like to see ANYTHING with you. Or do anything with you. Even if it's nothing. I'd love to do nothing with you. As long as it's with you, I'm happy.

I'm thinking about trying the whole courting thing. I know I'll probably suck at it, but you never know. I've been one to do miraculous things when I put my full heart into it. I still gotta plan it out alot more though. And get more money, because you can't get trained doves for free.

Haha, yeah, like I would go that far. Maybe if I was proposing, I would, but it's not THAT serious.

I think I'm gonna do the M&M thing, with the orange and stuff. And flowers with it. Oh MAN, that'd be tight. But then it's all about timing, when do I present it? No idea.

Valentine's day? I'm impatient, haha. But that would be better. I need moneys first anyways. Alright. Plan is set, I know what I wanna do. But then there's a matter of what I should say... Agh. I think I'll write giant notecards and let her read them. Like Love Actually. OH SNAP. I'm a boss. Ok, here we go. Thanks blogspot, hahahaha.

You could be my drug dealer girl.

So, Discovery camp is over. I'm doing pretty good. YFC events just don't have the same effect on me as they used to. Of course, I still love them, and I still gain something from every single one of them, but it's just a different feeling. I wasn't excited beforehand. And I wasn't really enlightened. It was an amazing camp, and everything. I just think I've become numb to those experiences. I mean, after so many of them, it's like I'm just kinda... There.

Don't get me wrong, I still feel the Holy Spirit. And I am so thankful that I was able to go, but there's just no after effect like there used to be. It's just not a new thing to me anymore. I mean, I wasn't disappointed or anything. The camp wasn't bad in any way shape or form. To the contrary, it was great. It's just me that's boring. Haha.

Yeah, but that's just more of an update. I got other news. Obviously, the title of this post is contradictory to a YFC camp theme. Haha. Yeah. Anyways, here we go. I'm about to switch up my writing style, so sorry if this is weird.

I'd like to apologize if I'm addicted to what you got. Even though I know of course, that it's not narcotics you're dealing. You don't push drugs, because that's not like you. No, you're holding something so much more addicting than a pill or a plant. You're holding swag. Dealing beauty. Pushing influence. I got no idea how you got me so hooked on you. You got something so potent, you don't even need hallucinogens for me to feel like I'm hallucinating. Maybe I'm just going crazy, but I do understand something. And if anything, it's that you GOT something. Maybe a pheromone, that I might catch your scent. Or maybe it's just how you are, but I know that whatever you're doing. You're doing it right. And I'm falling into your trap. Because what you got makes me willing to do ANYTHING to get to it.

And the thing is, I know that no amount of money can buy what you got. I can't just purchase something to make you hand over the goods. And in any event, that's not even what you deserve. You need something - no, someONE - who will TRY. And that's me. Definitely, that's me. I'll try. Because I want what you got, and I'll find out what you like, hopefully, if I try hard enough. You'll be addicted to me.

For reference, go on youtube and listen to Drug Dealer Girl by Mike Posner. Awesome song.

WOOSH!

I'm bored. Nobody's online and I'm still debating whether I should eat or not, so that means I have time to blog about something.

What sucks is, I don't know what. Well maybe I do.

I'm excited for lent. I have no idea why. Just giving stuff up and watching everybody else struggle with their promises is pretty fun. And you get to experience things. Like a pile of honey walnut shrimp WITHOUT rice. Hahahaha. That was such a bad experience. But it had to be done.

I'm not very excited for Christmas, though. You know when you pass that age of recieving gifts, and then transist into the age of giving gifts? Yeah, that's where I am. Supah lame. I mean, celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ is great. Unfortunately for my family, Christmas is not a religious time in the least bit. It IS family time, don't get me wrong, but it has nothing to do with religion. I'll just keep my faith strong for them, even if they aren't focused on the real "bigger picture."

What else is on my brain? Oh right, black friday. Oh my freakin lord it's gonna suck so badly on black friday. Usually it's a fun time, but that's only if you don't work in a retail store. I'm gonna have to clean. The whole freakin time. And there's no excuses either. I have to clean and make it freakin PERFECT, or else my day will be done. I think I can manage though, if I just concentrate on cleaning, forget about the customers and let my co-workers handle all the other aspects of my job, I should be fine. That's why we're a TEAM. I'm gonna eat so much on Thanksgiving. Just to make my time at work on black friday more pleasant. I can think about the meal I had the day before, and it'll all be ok. Hopefully. Ugh.

What else is there?

I dunno. I'm getting kinda hungry now so I guess I'll end this thing with a pop and a bang.

And a fizzle into oblivion.

Kay bye.

Gives You Hell / Buddy

I never expected to be stricken so easily. Especially after that last debacle. It's like I feel fresh. In slanguage and proper English. I thought the last one was the last one and that was that, and I'd just have to live with it, but apparently not. I guess the truth of what I've been seeking is that the heart is both vulnerable and fickle. One day it might look east, to the sunrise, but the sunset in the west is just as beautiful. Unfortunately for me, beauty is always the basis of my downfall. I won't accomplish anything lingering on the past and the mistakes I've so naively fell into. It's over and done with. What's lost is lost, but what could be gained is so prospective.

This post was short, but it's good enough for me.

Dashboard Confessional
"Truth be told, I miss you.
Truth be told, I'm lying."

Musiq Soulchild
"Girl it would be fly,
If you were my B-U-D-D-Y."

Those lyrics mostly sum up how I am. Hah. Alright suckas, peace out.

Did you choose right?

I remember asking you if you wanted to really be my friend and you said yes. You said it mattered to you, and that you cared. What sucks is that you don't understand what a friend is. I don't really feel like making stupid metaphors right now, so I'll just get right to the point.

All you care about is the stuff I do for you. I offer to take you to the mall and spend money on you, and you're hella down to go, but then I ask if you just want to chill, and you don't feel like it.

So basically all this "friendship" really is, is a way for you to get me to do stuff for you. And buy you things. And let you use me, because you know that I won't just leave you alone. Because I'm a REAL friend. And all you are is a leech. And I wanted to spend the one night I had a car with you. I was about to turn my back on some of my REAL friends to hang out with you.

Did you choose right when you said you wanted to be my friend? Were you telling the truth when you said that you cared? Probably not. But I'll make the right choice. I'd rather save my money for people who actually care about ME. My real friends who ride or die. I'm tired of your fakeness, and your false appreciation. Especially when no one else would do what I would for you.

It's ok, though. It's my fault for letting you. I'm just saying it's over now. If you really want to be my friend, then you can try to prove it to me. Until then, I'm done spending 10 dollars a week on you.

And you're probably gonna say something like how I'm butthurt or whatever. But really, if you were my friend, you would have said yes, and not assumed I was trying to ask you out. I hope that sushi I brought you tasted good. Hahaha.

Also, if you were busy or something, you could have said so. So don't blame me if I'm pissed off that you only want to hang with me when I'm buying you something.

[titlehere]

I don't know what this is going to be about, but I just had the sudden impulse to write something after listening to The Beatles for like half an hour. I should start with something a little earlier, though.

I was watching videos on the youtubes. It started with Gabe Bondoc at FAP, playing his cover medley. Then moved on to The Adrian William Project - On My Way Down. Afterwards, I went to Jason Mraz - Beautiful Mess, followed by You and I Both. Then it went to Alyssa Bernal covering Hallelujah (the one from Shrek). I thought about searching up Casting Crowns and Smash Mouth, but I got distracted by Kate Voegele's cover of Hallelujah, followed by a bunch of random international "Idol" singers. Then I got into The Beatles. And this is where I start.

I wonder what it must have felt like writing their music. They're not really my style, I don't like them all that much, but people who have covered their songs and made it different than the original bring out the actual potential of the songs. Like Come Together. Oh my freakin jeeze. I think the only Beatles song that I like in its original format is "All you Need is Love" and that's about it. Just because they ran the whole orchestra thing in an awesome way. Enough of that, though, I think I just found out what this post is gonna be about.

I don't know what kind of music I like anymore. I don't know, I've been confused lately. There's so much good stuff. My favorite song right now really isn't even my usual style. It's Maybach Music with T-Pain, Kanye West, Rick Ross, and Lil Wayne. I don't even like Lil Wayne. And I've never been too partial to that kind of rap. Like, I look at Jason Mraz and John Mayer, and they're great, I love acoustic, but I'm just not feeling it too much. Then there's electrocoustic. Owl City, Nevershoutnever! and whatnot. I haven't listened to straight up emo music in a while. I might try that out again, but I'm not feeling very hyped. Just dull, and sad, rather than angry. And I think slow jams or acoustic music is better when you're sad. Hardcore screamo is much better when you're angry.

I don't know what I want anymore. It's hard to choose one or the other, but it is obvious which one treats you better. But even so, sometimes you just really want the other one. Music makes my brain fickle. Ah, whatever, I'll just keep listening. Something's bound to catch my attention.