What the FUCK.

Oh, hello again my beautiful freakin blog that I can escape to. Gah. It's been far too long.

All that aside though, I've got THINGS on my mind. Many many things eating away at the inside of my skull driving me to the brink of utter insanity. It's like plummeting into a cavernous crag, gashed deep into the Earth without any sign of a bottom in sight. I find that I'm mostly depressed or peeved more often than not, and there's actually nothing that I can use to escape.

My guitar has lost its soothing qualities. I can only learn so many songs, and write so many half-lyrics before I get tired and quit it, irritated that I don't know how to raise my skill level, and too lazy to even try. Perhaps I'm doomed to mediocrity. I'm almost completely certain.

What is it that I need? A new set of friends? A new hobby? A new job? Maybe all of those are good choices. Maybe that's exactly what I need. Or maybe I'm too damn comfortable where I am and I want some kind of excitement. It's just that there's nothing to do in this useless, uninteresting, uneventful, dull, and depressing town. It's like solitary confinement, but with the subtle illusion that you are free, so what you think you're seeing is a town full of things to do, but what you're really seeing is a lie.

You know what I really want? For somebody to fucking entertain me. I had a best friend, but she wanted me to back off. I also knew this really fucking amazing and awesome girl who had the most beautiful qualities about her, but for some reason, we grew apart. And then there's that other damn person who likes to ignore my calls.

And there's the guys. Yeh, I can talk to them, but that's wack. Matt's eccentricities are only good for awhile, then they just become little more than bearable. The posse is mostly alright, but the same shit everyday gets tiring. Plus, I'm tired of stupid fucking attention whores always trying to spend hella money and be the cool fucking guy. Stupid cunt. You ruin my mood everytime I see your faggot ass.

I really hope I get this state job. Then I can just pay for WoW and become a recluse. I'm tired of seeing everyone's faces. I'm tired of hearing about all these fucking happy people being happy somewhere else without me. Fuck you, eat dick. You're all useless to me, and you piss me off.

I guess my real problem is that I had certain friends before, and now they'd all rather have nothing to do with me. Because I'm boring? Because I'm mean? Because I make them uncomfortable? Because they're fucking bitches?

What the fuck is so wrong with me that I fucking repel everyone? How about this, FUCK YOU. You don't want me around, then I am so fucking down to never talk to your bitch ass again. Seriously dude, I'm fucking amazed that you'd even consider me to be your friend. I don't want any fake ass friends. I don't want friends that aren't happy to hear from me or see me or talk to me. I don't want friends that are uncomfortable around me. If I make you uncomfortable, then GO THE FUCK AWAY, BITCH, YOU ARE USELESS TO ME.

Keep in mind though, that I was FUCKING there for you. Everytime you needed me, I was there for you. Don't forget that shit, cunt, because you will NEVER fucking experience it again.

And you know what? Fuck it if that doesn't mean much to you, because if it doesn't, then you're more of a bitch than I'm making you out to be.

I'm through. You better fucking know who you are.